November 19, 2008
Pepe: Oh, Papa Homer, you are so learn-ed.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Learn’d, son. It’s pronounced learn’d.
1) On the way out, scrambled eggs appear visually and structurally identical… to how they looked prior to going in… (as observed as a result of a controlled clinical trial involving half a litre of vodka and two bottles of wine). Toast, on the other hand, appears to vanish entirely… or perhaps it simply goes to a different stomach?
2) All men wore pinstriped “Zoot” suits, white brimmed fedora hats, white silk ties and white braces in the 1920’s. Well… according to the worldwide experts on all things everything, my local costume hire shop. Indeed the majority of men apparently carried tommy guns too, times being as they may…
3) Never joke to your girlfriend about only getting her flowers when you notice fresh offerings on your drive past the local cemetary… as you will actually then have buy her more flowers… accompanied by evidentiary receipts…
4) Incontinence is not one of the “Seven Signs of Ageing”… at least according to the people from “Oil of Olay”… despite solid (and liquid) evidence to the contrary as oft observed (and/or smelled) when commuting on public mass transit systems…
5) You can burn candles, incense, heck even an effigy of a goat, in a room with a smoke detector and it will not go off. However if you so much as singe the crust of a piece of toast in the kitchen adjoining the room with said smoke detector, it will instantly issue a vehemently shrill and unrelenting response. This is especially true early in the morning while your girlfriend blissfully sleeps in the next room…
There. Don’t you feel wiser now?
Posted in
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Real men post more often than bi-annually.
Boredom is a killer, and bored people kill people who don’t update their blogs more regularly. This is not a threat. It’s an ultimatum.
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Comment by Jonny — April 23, 2009 @ 5:05 pm