February 19, 2008
I had an impromptu meeting with my immediate boss. The reason for the meeting was as a result of a “Professional Development” seminar which I attended with him the previous evening…
He asked me my opinion on the night’s proceedings. Big mistake…
So I let fly… even bigger mistake…
I told him that quite simply… I thought it was a useless load of twaddle that was designed to provide just enough vague information to convince the poor schmucks seated around us to sign on for further workshops…
I then commented about the presenter’s propensity for adopting useless flowcharts and modeling systems to try to illustrate the theoretical and impractical intangibleness of his ramblings…
I had anticipated that my colleague would be in agreement with me… but instead he sat in silence for a moment… and asked if I was “against” modeling of that nature?
I replied by saying that I was against people espousing useless theory… when it is clear that they have no concept of the real world implications of what they are saying…
What do they say? Those that can… do. Those that can’t… teach?
And this bozo couldn’t teach an emo to be angsty…
So my colleague asks, “Do you mind if I show you something?”
I watch on with a growing mixture of revulsion and dread… as he grabs a memory stick out of his briefcase… and proceeds to try to get it started on his laptop…
Fortunately for me… the drive wasn’t mapped to read it…
So he quickly buzzes our IT guy… who comes into the room… and I am shaking my head at him with pleading eyes… which were screaming “Don’t fix… for the love of God… don’t fix!!!”…
My IT guy gives me a quick wink… fixes the mapping problem… smirks… and meanders back out of the room… (I later bailed him up on it… and he simply explained that as long as my boss was in the room with me… he couldn’t bother the rest of them…).
I was considered collateral damage!
So he shows me the contents of his memory stick… and it is literally like a family photo album of his favourite flowcharts and models of various business and management theory… ranging from “boosting staff morale without their knowledge” (ironic… I know…)… negotiating the “management maze” through successful delegation… strategic vs operational interconnecting spectrums…
I thought I’d died and gone to hell… been killed again… and then been sent to hell’s hell…
And he seriously starts flicking through it and asking me… “What do you think of this one? And what about this one?”… all the while gazing intently at me… and subtly nodding in eager anticipation…
I calmly surmised that the only way I was going to get out of this… was to lie… lie well… and lie quickly…
So I said… “Oh… no… what I meant was that I didn’t like the “presenter’s” models…”
“Yours… however… are a delight… and I find them highly poignant… colourful… and compelling…”
Which gave me a small window of opportunity… for when he sat back… with a half smile… and closed his eyes…
I bolted…
Anyway… I had a feeling he was going to need a few minutes to himself… but only a few minutes… if you know what I mean…
Wanker…
Actually… this is about the extent of “flowcharting” I can handle:
Hammer Time?
Definitely Hammertime…
Posted in General Stick Takes | 3 Comments »
